Finding Your tribe: Why does making friends get harder as we grow older?

Making friends as an adult can be tough. I was lucky enough to meet my best friend in 4th grade, and we've stayed close ever since. But back in school, making friends felt so much easier. Compliment someone’s shoes, and—bam—you were besties. Now, between work, life, and everything in between, it seems harder than ever to find and keep those meaningful friendships.

I know I’m not alone in feeling this way. As we get older, many of us struggle with forming new friendships. Those who’ve kept their childhood friends already have their “tribes,” while others are still navigating solo, longing for those deep connections with like-minded people. It’s easy to feel left out when you see groups of lifelong friends throwing themed parties, building traditions, and sharing memories. We’ve all been there, looking in from the outside, wishing for that same closeness in our own lives.

Putting yourself out there can feel intimidating, especially if you’re naturally introverted. But that doesn’t mean new friendships are out of reach. In reality, most of us are likely feeling the same—hesitant and unsure of how to connect. When we let our insecurities take the lead, we can miss out on real connections before they even have a chance to grow.

The truth is, building new friendships requires giving people a fair shot and being open to genuine interactions. And yes, that can feel tricky, especially when it seems like everyone’s already settled into their cliques. It’s easy to assume no one’s interested in making new connections, but the reality might be very different. Apps like Bumble BFF can be helpful, but there’s something special about making friends through spontaneous interactions. Still, it can be hard to seize those moments when shyness or self-doubt creeps in. A little liquid courage might help break the ice, but the real challenge comes in following up afterward—without worrying if they still want to know you once the drinks have worn off.

A lot of this pressure comes from within. We get so focused on making a good impression that we hide parts of ourselves, waiting for the “right” moment to let our true selves shine through. But real friendships are built on authenticity, and the sooner we drop the pretense, the easier it becomes to connect. Embracing our quirks and imperfections allows us to build bonds on a deeper level—because that’s where the real magic happens.

At the end of the day, we all crave a sense of community. Whether it’s through laughter, shared memories, or just having someone to lean on, friendships can offer the closeness we need—especially when family isn’t nearby. But sometimes, our own overthinking can hold us back. In truth, we’re all searching for something real; it’s just about stepping outside our comfort zones and welcoming those opportunities when they arise.

Making friends as an adult doesn’t have to feel impossible. By making a conscious effort to be open and let down our guards, we can discover that opportunities for new friendships are everywhere. It’s just a matter of how we look at it. People are often more open to new connections than we realize, but we have to get out of our own heads and take that leap of faith.

So, don’t give up. Your tribe is out there, and when the time’s right, you’ll find each other. Keep being yourself, stay patient, and trust that the right friendships will come. Sometimes, all it takes is one small step to change everything.

What are your thoughts on friendship in adulthood compared to childhood? I would love to hear your thoughts!